The more difficult changes in life can sometimes, in the end, lead to better times. Certainly we can learn from them. It seems like every time I ever tried to make a change for the better something happened to push me back. I would have to work twice as hard just to get back up to where I started.
I started 2009 with big plans. I wanted to make some big changes and start to really turn things around. Sure, in years past I felt the same way but that was the year I was truly going to push for it. Of course, things did not go as planned. When I say started the year I mean Jan 1. I believe it was Jan 9., a mere 8 days later, when the company I worked for notified us they were shuttering our plant. A number of my co-workers were out that day.
That pretty well killed my plans for the year. I couldn't work toward my goals because I had no idea how long I would be out of work, where I would be, etc... As it turned out I was there to the very end, mid april. I was lucky to only be out of work about a month before starting a new job. Same industry. Things were tight for a few months until I moved up to basically the same position I held at the old job. Here, though, it is a better job with better benefits.
As I look around at my co-workers and people in my little social groups I see qualities that irritate me. Some are simple quirks, while others are more substantial character flaws. I have learned to be much more tolerant over the years. That is a really good thing as I find myself censoring myself less and less the older I get. I can be pretty open with my thoughts and opinions at times.
I have also learned to observe some of these same qualities that annoy me so...in myself. Some things to work on.
I had hoped to make some changes in my personal life as well but that fell short. I have dated here and there but few have lasted long. One went on for a year and a half before things started to go south. To date (a year later) I am not really sure where we stand, a very odd situation indeed. Anyway, I am not really sure where I want to take things now.
Perhaps I need to stay out of the mix for a while. It seems like I spent too much effort trying to move things along and missed a lot of opportunities.
This year, no plans. I want to try to spend time meeting different people and doing different things. I need to spend more time on the bike. In the end it comes down to simplicity. The hard part is going to be the will power, ambition and motivation to make the necessary improvements.
If I am ever going to be truly happy it will not come from getting what I want. It will only come from learning to be satisfied with what I have.
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