Disconnected...

Once again I found someone at work who has misjudged me in a most peculiar way. James has made the assumption that I am like other people. This stems from a conversation in which he was relating his taunting another co-worker, Doug. Doug is a bit on the moody side and takes things a bit more seriously at times than necessary.

In telling this story, James made the comment that I would not be bothered so much by such a comment because, in reference he would not mean it. My reply was that whether he meant it or not is irrelevant to me because I simply do not care what people think about me. He, much like a coworker at a previous job, insisted I do care. Not only do I not care, but i tend to assume people think the worst, even when they appear otherwise. It just seems easier that way.

What these people do not and cannot understand is a certain personal self reliance that is unusual today. Most people need to feel a strong and constant connection with other people. This is evidenced by the importance of cell phones in their lives. If they are awake they are talking/texting/IM-ing/e-mailing/Skyping/Facebooking/Myspacing/Tweeting. They panic if they lose contact for short periods of time.

I, on the other hand, do not need constant communication. As a matter of fact, after a weekend away from work I am sometimes rather annoyed working side by side with some people because I spend the weekend alone and incommunicado. Many weekends pass that I don't see or talk to anyone at all. I can't just jump into meaningless interchanges all at once.

This is not meant to sound as though I am anti-social, I am more asocial. I don't avoid contact with other people, rather I just don't go looking for it. The great amounts of time I have spent alone over the years, whether by choice or by circumstance, have forged a certain degree of contentment, or perhaps complacency, in my character.

From this, I have no need for the approval of my 'peers'. If the people around me like me, that's great. I will interact with them to the best of my ability. If they do not like me, then I am alone and comfortable with my environment. Perhaps too many years in failing to gain the approval of my peers taught me to live without it.

Under normal circumstances, I would say few who read this would understand it, or most would think it a work of fiction. But those terms, few and most, really have little meaning as there are only three of you out there who are likely to see this. In the modern world that would be the case, though. Few could stand to spend as much time alone as do I. If I didn't have to go to work I could possibly go months without seeing another face, other than those on the TV.

Is this healthy? I don't know. Perhaps not, but considering the path my life has followed to this point I think it is better than the alternatives. Were I a person of a more normal, social nature I would be in dire straights. Dead, in prison or maybe flying over some cuckoo's nest somewhere. All things considered I think things turned out as well as they might.